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He even used the gym in Mike's apartment building without paying a guest fee. And with that, Aaron began to open up everything in Mike’s refrigerator and pantry. Mike had known Aaron for over 10 years, and despite Aaron being “flaky” at times, Mike was happy to open his home. One Modern Manners Facebook friend told me that his old college roommate, Aaron, visited while interviewing for a new job in his town. So when they hit you up for something, you shouldn't expect the deal to work out as planned. Because if they don’t understand, then they are not a real friend-they’re a freeloader.įreeloaders aren't hard to spot. You understand, right?”Īdding, “You understand, right?” is the best way to complete a deadline discussion. You understand, right?” Or, “I’m happy to have you here, Ben, but Melissa will be staying with me next month and it might get kind of crowded. But in two weeks I'll be cleaning out the house, so it may be hard to have you here then. Also ask what they will need-food, to borrow your car, for you to take them out, etc.-and then tell them your deadline. Instead, sit down (or write an email, or make a phone call) and ask them how long. Is it two days or nine weeks? If you don’t ask, they can argue that they assumed it was until they were ready. They’ll stay until you throw them out.īefore anyone comes to stay, you have to ask, “How long?” Not to be rude, but to be practical. If you make an open-ended invitation, their "one-week visit" could turn into months. After all, a freeloader doesn't care about your time or money. Some people may think it’s rude to give a friend or family member deadlines on crashing with you, but it's the mature choice-and the safe choice. The good thing about deadlines, though, is that both parties know where they stand. You may have a lovely team, but if you can’t captain your own self, you can’t help others. Life is a team sport, and in your life, you are the star player.